My mother hated my wedding dress and she didn’t do anything to censor that. My relationship with my mother had always been until recently as I like to think of it as “How could you do this to me…” or “What will people think of me as a mother when they see you doing something like this…”
This happened all the time. Whether it be because I got bad grades, I was fat, or because I wanted to do something different with my life, it was because I hated her or something. It could never be because a.) The teachers and students were abusive towards me b.) I had an eating disorder because I was dealing with such abuse or c.) I was a creative person and I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life behind a desk for thirty years.
It was always about her.
Originally having bought a dress that I loved I had to return it due to it being two sizes too small. The lady at the bridal store told me that it was going to be discontinued; she said “We can always adjust it to fit you.” Well, *insert laughter here* that turned out to be a big fat lie and I wound up having to go back to find a new dress.
I had spent the day before looking at the plus size selection on David Bridals website and one of them popped out at me. It was a simple dress, just a white gown with some lacy sleeves and it was perfect.
A little background about my sense of style, I was always a bit of a tom boy and my daily outfits usually consist of leggings and either a tank top or a t shirt. So a simple dress was perfect for me, it matched my sense of style and personality.
It may have also been that my fiancé had snuck behind me and let it slip that he wanted to see me in that particular dress as well… but none the less I fell in love with it.
Still needing to try it on, I went to the bridal store with my future sister-in-law. I tried to convince my mother to come with me but since I live a bit of a distance away and she works, she refused. I decided to try on a few other dress options as well as the dress I had found online. The other dresses were nice but once had on thee dress I almost cried, it was perfect, simple yet gorgeous; this was my dress.
Needing to come back to get the dress hemmed I figured it would be a nice thing to have my mother and aunt come to the final fitting with me, since my mother felt like she hadn’t been a part of my wedding planning . Given previous incidents of doing any kind of shopping with my mother and aunt together, my gut told me it would be a bad idea. However, since it was my wedding and it was my mother and my aunt, I wanted them to be a part of it.
Neither of them had seen the dress on the hanger as the lady at the bridal shop suggested I wait to have it on to show them.
“…Your mother is gonna be so proud…”
We had an uneventful drive to David’s Bridal and took the dress to the back where the seamstress happily greeted us and I was led into one of the fitting rooms.
I put on under garments and the dress and stepped out to show off my dress… and that is when it all went to hell. The moment I stepped out from behind the curtain I saw the look of disappointment on my mother’s face, the look she gave when she didn’t like something or when I had done something wrong. My aunt just kind of stared at it, as if not knowing what to think.
My heart sunk.
I turned and went back behind the curtain, seamstress behind me, and took a deep breath; then I heard it in a low voice but still loud enough for me to hear.
“What was she thinking…? That doesn’t look like a wedding dress, it looks like a slip, it looks awful…this isn’t what I wanted…”
The seamstress heard what she said and frowned.
I heard my mom get up and leave the area presumably to go and look at other dresses. Trying to keep it in, I felt like an over stuffed doll ripping at the seams until finally I exploded; I couldn’t keep it in anymore and the tears just started to flow out.
The seamstress tried to calm me down.
“It’s OK, you look gorgeous… your dress looks nice…”
However within those mere minutes, I was done, I didn’t want my wedding anymore. I wanted to call the whole thing off, get into my car and drive with my fiance as far away as I could and get married in some drive thru wedding chapel.
Every bride is told, “It’s your day, it should be about you, no one else.” Your told you should have what you want, your vision, your idea… but in that moment I realized that while people may say that, it’s not always the case and it can be either frustrating, heartbreaking, or both.
My aunt came in and saw me crying and as did my mom and a fight ensued,with them telling me that I was the one who made the whole experience terrible and my mom saying that she doesn’t tell me the pretty things I want to hear, but rather the truth….
“What do you want me to say? That I like it even though I don’t? Is that what you want me to say?”
When I got home my fiance hugged me and told me that it was ok, and that it was my wedding. My friends told me that my mom was crazy, and my therapist just let me cry it out.
Too my mother’s credit, however, she did apologize the next day and I have since then forgiven her, but going through this taught me a lesson.
Yes, my mother hated my wedding dress, but that’s all it was, a wedding dress.
We went through our wedding and I got a lot of compliments on my dress and the ceremony, but I realized that that wasn’t important. What was important was the adventure I was going to take with my loving fiance and now husband. When we said our vows and walked down the isle hand in hand that is what was important, no one else’s words or opinions mattered, just the words we said to each other.
Don’t get me wrong it still hurts thinking about that day at the bridal shop, seeing that disappointed look on my mother’s face. But I say this to all you brides out there: It’s OK. It’s gonna be OK. It’s OK to be frustrated, weddings are frustrating and everyone wants their piece in it. It’s OK to cry, it’s an emotional time, it doesn’t have to be smiles throughout the whole thing, you’re allowed to be angry, sad, and happy at the same time. It doesn’t matter if they’re your mom, your sister, your pastor, etc, if they have an opinion on the wedding let them have it, it doesn’t matter, do what you want within your limits, both financially and spiritually. If you try to please everyone you’ll wind up disappointed. Remember, what does matter is the words you and your fiance/husband speak to each other and in front of those you love and what happens in the years after the wedding.
After all a wedding is just a wedding.